A Million Colors
by my.name.is.mary
Summary: I'm finally where I belong... Yes, this is home
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter**** series, any of it characters or settings. All you recognize belongs to J. K. Rowling.**

**Chapter 1**

"**Gone****"**

_People always say you should live life to its fullest, and you know? They are right. But how many of those thousands of people actually do so? I can assure you that ou__t of ten people, nine just talk but never act. Yes, I know it sounds like I know what the bloody hell I'm talking about, and the truth is that I do know, because I'm one in every ten._

_I know life is limited. I know life shouldn't be wasted. The hell I know how short life can be._

_When I was ten years old, one of my teachers asked me where I saw myself in 10 years from then. I had no idea what that creepy old man was talking about. How would I know that? So I told him I didn't think that much in the future. That same day after class, he asked me to stay for a word. He then asked if my answer was due to my parents' death so early, not only into their lives, but mine; after all, I was months old when they turned into dust._

_I never answered that last question. I didn't know back then, and to be honest I still don't. But I guess my way of thinking was affected by my parents' absence._

_I still don't like thinking to much into the future. I don't think it's worth it. Why waste time planning your future years? People like planning; they like knowing they have a future, but do they really? I don't believe in the future. I believe in now. The past are just memories, and the future doesn't exist until it happens, and when it does, it's then called present._

_So I do live my life second by second. It's not worth it having expectations, getting your hopes up, when they won't become truth._

_When I was younger, I used to dream about my parents coming back for me. I used to _expect._ But they would never come. Once I asked my godfather if he knew if someday I'd see mum and dad. He said that it was possible. He said I shouldn't question that just yet, that I'd understand when I was a little older. Now I do understand. Yes, it is possible for me to see them, when I die of course._

_When I first realized what Harry had meant, I wondered when that day would come. But in time I got tired of waiting. I wanted to see 'em bad, _really _bad. So in my early years at school I went any place that was banned for students or dangerous. Yes, you could say I was suicidal. But back then I wasn't aware of what I was doing, until my best friend opened my eyes. She said I shouldn't look for Death, that she didn't want me to die, that she needed me and that I was not allowed to leave her alone in this world. I was barely thirteen at the time, so to me what she said was nothing more than bloody rubbish._

_But in time, seeing my tries never paid off, I tried less hard to get in dangerous situations, until I no longer thought it was worth it._

_Now I know better. I know I wasted precious childhood trying to end my own life. And I have promised myself I would not waste one more second of it. That I'd live everyday like there was no tomorrow._

_Tomorrow doesn't exist, yesterday is useless now, and all I have left is today, this very second. This is my life. This is my time and I know someday it'd be gone, so I better take the opportunity while it is still right in my nose._

_Life is a day that doesn't last for long. It soon will be gone. And so will I, but at the time being, I don't care when that happens._

_My name is Teddy Lupin and all I want is to have as much fun, as live as much, as enjoy, laugh, cry, lie as much as I can before I, too, am gone._

**.**

**OOO**

**.**

**A/N: Yes, new fic. I just wanted to write something so I don't get tired of my present fic and completely ditch it. I'm venting, you know.**

"**Life is a day that doesn't last for long" and the chapter's title are from Switchfoot's song "Gone"**

**Hope you like it and please, please, please review!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own the Harry Potter series, any of it characters or settings. All you recognize belongs to J. K. Rowling.**

**A/N: Just want to let you know this is not precisely a story. It's more like Teddy's unwritten thoughts. It's much of an introspective tale rather than a fact telling one. Hope you still like it though. Oh, and thanks for the reviews and the alerts!**

**Happy reading**

**Chapter 2**

"**This is your life"**

_This is the year. Finally I'm in my seventh and last year at Hogwarts. Who would have thought I'd be graduating? Certainly not me; or the rest of my family._

_Harry and Ginny were in complete shock when my grades turned out to be way better than they, or I, had expected. What can I say? I guess I _do_ have my dad's brain._

_In past years, my performance at school had been… uh… a little bellow average. But it never had anything to do with me not being able to do well. I just never cared._

_Alright, yeah, sorry Harry, but it's true. Is not like my godfather had the best grades of all times either; so there's not much he can say. Ginny, on the other hand, has all the right to reprehend me as she sees fit._

_Whatever they do though, can't make me care about my studies. I don't really see the point in studying so hard. Why waste my life burying my face in hundreds of books when it's so probable I'll end up working a low paid job at a muggle place? It's just not worth it. My godparents might think otherwise, but I rule myself and I refuse to give such importance to trivial things such as a Charms lesson._

_I don't really like using magic anyways. I can change my appearance as I please and on top of that I am a born werewolf. It doesn't get better than that. I know my father never really wanted children because he didn't want his _curse _to be passed to a child without it having a choice in the matter. But _I_ don't care. Many people sometimes wish they could escape of being human. I get to do so. I get to live through my instincts. And the best of all, I get to be an intimidating, fierce mythical creature such as a human wolf. As I said, it doesn't get better than that._

_Anyways, as I officially am of age, seventeen that is, I can do whatever the bloody hell I want to._

_Well, it's not like I didn't before; I just won't have to listen to the underage speech again. You know '_If you do magic outside the school one more time Mr. Lupin, you'll be expelled!_' or '_Teddy, what did I tell you about unlicensed apparition?'_ and all that rubbish. I'm finally _free_._

_Of course, not as free as I would like to be. I still have to graduate, but it isn't for Harry or Ginny. Graduating is the one thing I'm doing for me. Even if I don't intend to continue studying, I ought to finish what I have started. Maybe, if they were alive, that's the one thing my parents would have wanted to see me do. Still I don't do it for them. I know it sounds like I'm this big jerk, but I'm not. I decided a few years ago that whatever I did in life, I'd do it for me only._

_Some people think I'm wasting my life. They say I have a bright future ahead of me and that I'm not _seeing_ it. Of course I'm not seeing it! It doesn't exist! The future is just a myth! I know so and so do they! They just don't _see _that. So forgive me if I like to party 'til dawn, excuse me if I get all the girls I want, excuse me for having fun… or better yet, _don't_. Because I will not apologize for the kind of life I'm leading. I don't care how people see me; they already have a pre-conceived judgment of me._

_Why can't they see? Why can't my family understand I am meant for something different that a normal life? Why can't Victoire understand she can't change me? Why can't my friends see I am just too much of an outsider to think like them?_

_I am different. I always will be. I live like this, caring only for myself, because it's the only way._

_Victoire, as you might have guessed, is my best friend. She's the one that prohibited me to die a while ago. She says that my way of thinking is just really immature. She says I might be of age, unlike her (there's three other months left), but I'm still a child._

_I don't really think she gets it, but she is a child too. I do really believe girls are just more mature than guys, but she's not much mature than I. Nevertheless, I don't mind letting her fool herself._

_She's really great, but she's like everyone else. She tells me, asks me really, to try changing my _one tracked_ mind. She asks me to care about things other than party. But she doesn't really mean it. She just talks but never does she make me. Not like that one time she said she needed me._

_Back then she managed to make me live for her before I decided to take control over my life. I owe her that, you know, keeping me alive. But whatever she says now, she doesn't mean it enough to make me listen. I don't really know how to explain myself._

_It's like when you do something you shouldn't and your parents tell you not to do so in a light manner, like if they were telling you that it doesn't matter if you get in trouble again, as if they didn't really care if you do. That's pretty much what Victoire is doing to me. She tells me to care but it's as if she has given up on me and says what she says out of habit rather than anything else. So I listen to her no longer. I too have given up on her understanding._

_Of course, there's a way to make them all see the way I see things, but I don't want their pity, so I refuse to let them know._

"_It's your life" they all keep telling me. Yes, its mine and I bloody decide what to do with it. Some ask me if it is what I thought it would be when I was younger. I can assure you its not; simply because I never thought of it. But I am who I want to be. I do what I want to do. I think how I want to think. I may not have a backup plan. But I most certainly don't need it, or want it. Today is all I have. And they might think I'm in the wrong, but I know I'm not._

_One day they will all understand. A day, I hope, I'm not around to see it._

_Yes, this is the way I think, this is the way I am, this is the way I live, for this is _my_ life._

_._

_OOO_

_._

**A/N:**** Second chapter done! I know it's short, but I'm trying to aboard his thoughts by topic, besides it's easier to update sooner when I do it like that. I hope you liked it very much. This chapter was inspired in Switchfoot's song "this is your life" and the last paragraph was written almost as a response to the chorus. Anyways, thanks for reading and please reviewwww! XD**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own the Harry Potter series, any of it characters or settings. All you recognize belongs to J. K. Rowling.**

**A/N: Beware for the truth will always shine…**

**Happy reading!**

**Chapter 3**

"**Politician"**

_Politicians. You know, those __who give us, the people, hope. Those who try their hardest to make of our country a better one. Those who make the _world_ a better place a country at a time._

_So sorry to wake you, people, but no matter how many good men or women have crossed the justice hall, there will always be a bitter, corrupt pig. That one person who manages to put on a perfect innocent mask and promise and lie, while they walk over the law and their own supposedly way of thinking._

_I know, I know, everyone breaks a promise, everyone lies. We are just humans, aren't we?_

_You see, probably since the Homo sapiens became Homo sapiens sapiens, parents and adults as a whole, have told us, children, we should always tell the truth. But to which extend do they actually practice what they preach? Of course adults always have a way around it. "It is ok to tell a small lie if it makes those who matter to you happy" that's what they all say when they're caught. White lies I believe they are called. You know, like "Thanks for the sweater Gran Weasley. I love it" or "Your muggle-made cookies are the best, Ginny" or "I promise to reach better marks this year, Hermione" or "Can't wait till next tea party, Lil". As long as they're happy…Right._

_So if it makes her happy, it's ok to tell Victoire I'll always be there when I won'__t? Is it ok to tell James I'll teach him all he needs to know about the ladies when I know I won't be able to? Is it ok to promise Albus I'll be by is side when he becomes the greatest Quidditch player, when I know I'd be long gone before that? Does it make it right that I tell Harry I'm not giving up, when I know I just can't hold on much longer?_

_No. It'__s. Not. Right._

_People can't just go around mouthing "small lies" or "white lies" or whatever-they're-called. The truth always comes out. And believe me, those who were lied to, will certainly _not _be happy about it._

_Nobody seems to realize that small lies can explode in their faces like a bubble gum that has been blown too large. Yes, no matter what, all that it's not the truth dies, and dies with a show._

_Still, there people all around the globe whose lies aren't small at all. Those, which deceive… just like politicians._

_These… creatures, as I think should be called, do not care who they step on to get where they are. They lie and get a benefit out of it. Whether they deceive for good reasons or not, it don't matter; simply because they are inflicting pain into someone else. _

_Nevertheless, there are deceivers that are not aware of it. Those who have managed to lie to themselves along with everybody else._

_But you see, the truth is a magical concept. The truth is always there. And no matter how much these people want to believe their own lies, they'll never be able to. That kind of deceiver may not mean any harm, but they hurt anyways. You could say they are somewhat lost in life. But what about those who know are not? What about those that know they can't cheat their own mind but still try? What about those who know they are deceiving who they love and don't stop?_

_What about me?_

_I am a deceiver. And I am one of the worse kind. I lie to my family and get the benefit of secrecy because of it. I deceive and hurt and I'll break promises I shouldn't._

_I lie to myself. I deceive myself._

_I keep soothing my own mind with words I know aren't the truth. I tell myself I'm a nice person. I keep thinking I'm not the only one out there who's not being honest. I keep saying its normal that I live impulsively and let my instincts determine my path. I repeat myself over and over I'm not lost._

_But those are all_lies_._

_I'm not a nice person. I've killed while running in my four limbs, and sometimes I don't feel bad about it. They have all been bad people too; still, if I'm no better than them, how can I judge?_

_No, I'm not honest. To everyone I'm always alright, proud of what I accomplish, of who I am, happy to be alive. But I know I'm not._

_I'm not normal, I know that and I'm pretty sure others have noticed. I can't hide my magic. I can't mingle with muggles. I can't see for myself one of the reasons my parents lost their lives fighting for._

_I lie._

_I know everyone does, but my lies aren't protecting anyone but _me_. The only one they make happy is _me_. I'm a selfish coward who prefers to live comfortably than tell the truth. I'm a disgusting person who hurts the only people he loves because he couldn't take being starred at._

_I am lost. That's the pure truth. I say I don't believe in the future because _I _don't have one. I get mad at those who plan their lives, because _I_ never will be able to do like them. I take it out on reality, because mine is just too damned._

_I __deceive. I have no boundaries or borders. I keep doing it over and over and over. And the worse of it is that I _like_ it._

_I like to know I'm safe. I'm addicted to secure-ness. I love being treated like everyone else and I'm not ready to give that up._

_What's wrong with me?_

_That's simple._

_I am broken._

_I am bitter._

_I'm the problem._

_I'm the politician._


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own the Harry Potter series, any of it characters or settings. All you recognize belongs to J. K. Rowling.**

**A/N: So sorry it took me so long to update. I promise it won't happen again. Inspiration just left my side for a while. I watched "**_**The Curious Case of Benjamin Button**_**" last night and my old friend came back to me. The chapter has nothing to do with the movie. I just felt a lot yesterday and today I thought maybe all that feeling might help me write. I'm really proud of this chapter, so I hope you like it. And please please, I'm begging, please review.**

**Chapter 4**

"**Easier Than Love"**

_Recently I've discovered myself to be nothing but a filthy liar._

_Yes, I lie, I deceive, and even though I regret it all, I can't change it. It's either let the lies keep rolling down my tongue, or tell the truth; and _that_ I'm not having._

_It might sound pretty egoistic and brat-like, but I have my reasons, reasons I'm not willing to share just yet. My previous breakdown doesn't change anything. I'm still gonna live the way I have for seventeen years now. It's easier; _as simple as that_._

_My life has, ever since I was fifteen, been full of parties, alcohol, drugs and sex. Quite a life, uh?_

_But I guess I have opened my eyes a little. I've realized that the life I was so proud of living, isn't the best. Bloody hell, it can't even be called a life._

_Ok, maybe the breakdown _did_ break some news in me, but still, I can't do anything about it._

_When I say it's easier, I mean it._

_Last night Victoire told me she loved me._

_That was surprising, since we have never really talked about our relationship being the romantic type. You see, Victoire and I have been sleeping together for almost a year now._

_The first time it happened, we were just too drunk to find our boundaries. I don't remember much, all I remember is waking up next to her, both as naked as we came to the world._

_The first week after that we simply pretended nothing had ever happened. We never talked about it, or acted any differently around each other. But it time, meaningless and pitiful flirting turned into something else. We often found ourselves kissing each other senseless in broom closets, behind trees in between classes, in the lake at midnight, during a nice, cold and clothe-less swim._

_I thought back then, my life couldn't be any better._

_Sex is easier than love. Everyone knows it. Sex it's just that, no emotions involved. It's easier to fake a smile and brag about it than talk about feelings. It's easier to leave them in the middle of the night than cuddle until dawn. It's easier to lie than admit how you feel._

_Yes, my life couldn't have been any better, until I realized I was utterly and completely in love with the witch that lay naked in my bed every night._

_I've loved her for about two months now. Well__, I always knew I felt something different for her than for any other girl. I just hadn't figured that feeling was love. And it sucks._

_Before__, I could just sneak out and not have to face what a monster I had become. I was the only one hurting. I was the only one investing emotions. I was the only one feeling alone._

_Not anymore._

_Now, she's hurting too. Now, she's being a fool with me._

_Now, I have to break her heart._

_I can't tell her how much she means to me. It would only hurt her more in the long run. She's better off thinking I'm a jerk that took advantage of her. She's better off hating me. She's better off without me._

_I can't give her what she deserves. I'm the worst of liars. I'm the worst of people. She deserves more than me._

_She deserves love, not secrets._

_So, I'm sorry I can't tell her she's my world. I'm sorry I can't tell her she's the reason I'm still alive. I'm sorry I can't tell her what's in store for me. I'm sorry I have to push her away before it's too late._

_I'm sorry for who I am. I'm sorry for who I made myself to be. I'm sorry for not seeming to have tried my best to be better. I'm sorry I've let everyone that ever expected something of me, down._

_But being sorry can only get you so far. And I am that far. There's no much I can do now._

_I have to tell the love of my life I don't want her. I have to crush all her expectations with a cold stare. I can't let her see just how much I want to die while I say those dreadful words._

_I have to lie one more time, for her sake._

_Knowing that she'd move on eventually is what keeps my lungs breathing and my heart pumping blood._

_Lie is easier than love, _as simple as that_._


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own the Harry Potter series, any of it characters or settings. All you recognize belongs to J. K. Rowling. The title belongs to Switchfoot.**

**A/N: I must warn you, this chapter is a little sadder. I also have to tell you the story might end in two or three more chapters; depending on the way it allows me to adapt it to two or three songs.**

**ClayCelloFire: you have no idea of how happy your last review made me, and yes, it would get happier, just wait, 'cause the happy ending should go by... um, the ending. So, yeah, thanks!**

**Happy reading and please reviewww.**

**Chapter 5**

"**Beautiful Letdown"**

_I haven'__t felt this way in a long time._

_I feel everything around me is moving too fast and I can't catch up. I feel I'm being left behind. I feel my heart beating a lot faster and a lot harder. I need something to keep this feeling away._

_I need _her_._

_When I was thirteen, this feeling of loneliness was my only companion, and it leaded me to try committing suicide over and over and over again. Back then, she was there though. She was there to save me._

_She isn't here anymore. And she won't come, I'm sure._

_I've hurt her too deep, with all my lies and secrets and for once I wish I could go back in time and tell her. Tell her _everything_. Why I can't perform magic like I should. Why I don't mingle with muggles. Why I never speak of feelings. What is that I'm hiding._

_I guess it's time to rip the seal. It's time for me to stop lying to myself and accept my reality, accept my _future_. It's time to confess._

_My name is Teddy Lupin, I'm seventeen years old, I'm a Metamorphmagi and a born werewolf. And because of that, I'll die soon._

_It is never usual for a being that is already magical, to possess too much of extraordinary aspects or abilities. A wizard or witch can be rare limitedly. When they have too much magic within themselves, their body can't take it and it slowly shuts down, ending their lives way too early._

_Because I can change my appearance as I please, my body changes slowly, my cells alter slightly, but it shouldn't be dangerous to my health in the long run. The transformation of a werewolf reaches changes a Metamorphmagi shouldn't. The alteration of cells is a lot more violent, but it shouldn't affect too much a normal one._

_The thing about me is that I am both._

_My body alters and changes way more than it should and its changes aren't consistent, since my cells have violent streaks at times and slower at others. I can control neither situation. My magic doesn't obey me like it obeys a normal wizard. It just not at my reach. So in times, my appearance changes, without me wishing or knowing it. In times, my magic turns violent and I turn reckless. I can't disguise myself, for it won't let me. My personality can turn into that of a werewolf, wild and dangerous, even when I'm still in my human form._

_And all these changes, all this messing with my head, my instincts, my magic, has taken a tool on my heart._

_It is weak and the healers say in two years time, it'll stop beating._

_Because of my heart's condition, I have to keep myself from feeling too much. Or at least that's what they told me when I first found out about three years ago._

_Back then I didn't see things like I should have. Unlike Harry, I couldn't see the horrible in those words. Back then I was still too young, too immature to realize what I was agreeing to._

_It was a life free of real responsibilities and feelings. It was a life to be enjoyed for it shortness. It was a life not to be wasted worrying or carrying._

_So I adopted this philosophy of doing whatever I wanted, whether it was right or wrong. You know, that life, not so long ago, was still amazing and better than any other to me._

_Now, I see it as a letdown. I can see now the kind of life I turned my back to. I could have been great if I only cared. I could have succeed in whatever I wanted. I could have had so many friends. I could have been able to ask the girl I love to marry me. And even if I died young, I would have died loving someone for the rest of eternity and having her love me back. I could die knowing I did something with those little years I had to live._

_But nothing will change; no matter how much I want it to, no matter how much I think of what it might have been. I choose a path, and I should stick with it._

_It's not like all I have done has been completely empty. I have had fun. I have had done amazingly dangerous things. I've been pretty fearless and I guess that's something I wouldn't want to change._

_So maybe I'm painfully un-cool, a dropout, a sinner, a loser, a failure, a fool, salt on a wound._

_No, I don't belong here. Though it doesn't matter. I don't have enough time to try to fit in a world of bitter pain and bitter doubt._

_No, I don't have the life I, now, wish I had. But what I've live has also been beautiful._

_So, maybe, just maybe, I live a beautiful letdown._


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own the Harry Potter series, any of it characters or settings. All you recognize belongs to J. K. Rowling. The title belongs to Switchfoot.**

**A/N: So we're nearing the end. This chapter is the most introspective and painful of them all, I must warn you. I almost cried while writing it. But, I have to say, it is **_**not**_** the end, just the most emotional part of the story.**

**I hope you like it. Happy reading and please review.**

**Chapter 6**

"**Awakening"**

_It's__ funny how people feel the most alive when death is flying upon them._

_I never felt things the way I feel them now. The rain never felt as cold and wet as it does now, falling as drops on my cheek. The grass feels differently too. It tickles. Did it always tickle? Or is it tickling just now?_

_I don't understand why the trees look much greener and the sky bluer._

_I feel small; as tiny as an ant._

_I feel pain._

_But I, too, feel alive_

_Why is that? What is happening? Am I dying? Now? Wasn't I supposed to die in a couple of years? What has happened?_

_Victoire_

_Where is she? Does she know? Does she care?_

_What am I doing here, lying on the ground in the middle of a rainy day? I don't remember where I was before this. All I remember is pain._

_And _her_._

_Yes, her._

_She was here? She came back? She came to save me from the pit I'm falling into?_

_No… no, she didn't._

_She was here, but she didn't come to save me._

_What did she come then? To tell me something._

_Oh, right… She came to tell me she hated me._

_I feel a sharper pain than I did before just remembering one memory I'd never forgive myself for creating._

_What is causing this torture?_

_Could it be… could it be what she said? Could it be that she hates me what is killing me? Literally?_

So, what now?

_What is beyond life? Is there anything at all? Will I see mum and dad? Will I keep existing? Will I banish? Is life really that short?_

_What is this feeling?_

_No, it's not the pain. Its different, it's not sharp, it's more like a growing cloud_

_Is the earth moving? Or am I shaking? Why am I shaking? It is because of the cold? No, it's not. Then, what is it?_

_Fear?_

_I'm afraid? Afraid of what, exactly?_

_Am I afraid of what may happen next? Am I afraid of death?_

_No, it's not fear_

_It's _regret_._

_I don't need to ask myself what I am regretting. I know what I wish I had done._

_This is it then? My time to go? The moment I die wishing I had lived differently?_

_I feel agitated._

_I feel desperate._

_I'm desperately young._

_I feel desperate pain._

_This can't be real_

_There must be something to make me feel my life wasn't just a big waste of time… Is there? Where? I'm searching in my every memory for something to hold onto, but I can't find anything._

_My life couldn't have been so pathetic!_

_This has to be a dream!_

_Yes, I'm _dreaming_._

_Victoire's words must have left me hurt and tired. I must be sleeping._

_But, if that's the case, then why do I feel pain?_

_I'm still hurting. I shouldn't be able to feel anything if I'm trapped in a dream. This shouldn't feel the way it feels._

_What if I'm already dead? What if I'm in some sort of limbo? What if I'm destined to feel this horrible pain for the rest of eternity?_

_How long eternity does last? Does it go by faster when you're in pain?_

_No, I don't think so_

_No, I'm not dead_

_I'm alive, more than I have ever been_

_Stop… Why won't it stop?_

_I wanna wake up._

_I wanna wake up, kicking and screaming_

_Am I still living?_

_I'm still breathing._

_I can feel my heart still beating._

_What…?_

_What is this?_

_Is this… blood? Am I bleeding?_

_I am bleeding._

_I can't take the pain._

_Am I awakening?_

_But, I had never been sleeping in the first place…_

_So, I'm bleeding to death? Or am I dying already and the bleeding is just part of it?_

_I don't like blood._

_I feel dizzy_

_I feel wet._

_I can still feel the rain and the grass._

_I still feel pain._

_Too much pain._

_I can't take it… I can't take it… I can't take it!_

_Make it stop!_

_Stop!_

_I don't want to feel anymore!_

_Stop!_

_Stop!_

Stop!

_Wake me up! Tell me this is a nightmare!_

_I wanna wake up!_

_I__ wanna wake up!_

_I… wanna…wake…up…_

_Please… _please_…_

_Make it stop…_


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter**** series, any of it characters or settings. All you recognize belongs to J. K. Rowling. The title belongs to Switchfoot  
**

**A/N: In this chapter the drill is a tad different.**** As you read, you'll understand what I mean.**

**Happy reading! And please review people!!**

**Chapter 7**

"**Dare ****you ****to**** Move****"**

_I'm__sorry__._

_I am so sorry. I never should have said what I said. I didn't mean it, I swear__._

_Please wake up. Please wake up. I promise I won't go away. I promise I won't leave you again, just come back. Come back to me, my love. Please._

_I thought I told you you weren't allowed to leave me alone in this world. I believe you were bound to stay with me. You promised you were always going to be here for me. You promised! So don't you dare going back on your word! You can't! That's not who you are!_

_I know now. I understand why you are the way you are. I'm sorry if I didn't seem to care. I'm sorry if I never tried enough to understand you. Harry told me about your… condition. He told us all._

_Harry's here, Ginny's here. Albus, James and Lily are here too. Mum and Dad came too with Dominique and Louis. And auntie Hermione and Uncle Ron. Rose and Hugo. Uncle George and Auntie Angelina, Fred and Roxanne. Uncle Percy, Auntie Audrey, Molly, Lucy. Uncle Charlie and Grandma and Grandpa. They are all here. For you._

_We're all watching for you. Waiting until you wake up, until you come back to us._

_What happens next? Now? Where are you? Why won't you come back?_

_The healer said it was a stroke. He said it was caused by a huge amount of stress to your heart._

_I did this, didn't I? I'm killing you, I am not?_

_I'm sorry._

_I'm sorry I couldn't understand. I'm sorry you felt alone. I'm sorry if I made you feel guilty. I'm sorry for who I made you become._

_But you could have told me. I told you everything. Why didn't you tell me? Why do I find out just now? Didn't you trust me? Why did you lie?_

_Harry told me you didn't want to be treated differently because of your heart. I wouldn't have treated you any differently. I still would have fought with you, yell at you, gotten mad at you._

_Do you have any idea of what it could have been?_

_You could have loved me. I would have gotten to hug you everyday, kiss you everyday. I could have given you my heart. If I had known the truth I would have let myself love you with no hesitation. I was afraid you were just playing with me, like you did the others._

_I don't know what you feel for me now, if you love me or not. All I know is that I love you. And that won't ever change, no matter what._

_If you wake up, I'd love you_

_If you die, I'd love you_

_If you try, I'd love you_

_If you give up, I'd love you._

_Do you get it now, you idiot?_

_I'm not asking you to love me back; all I want is for you to wake up. It doesn't matter if I have to love you from afar. I can live with that. But I'm sure I can not live without you._

_So I dare you to move. I dare you to lift yourself up from the floor. I dare you to wake up. I dare you to come back to us. I dare to live._

_If you're the Teddy I fell for, you'll take the challenge. Now, take it!_

_Please, just take it and wake up…_


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter**** series, any of it characters or settings. All you recognize belongs to J. K. Rowling; except the title, it belongs to Switchfoot.**

**A/N: This is the second to last chapter. So Teddy's story is coming to an end. This is when it gets happier, I have promised it all would end up well, and I'm complying.**

**I hope you like the chapter. Happy reading and please, pretty please, review**

**Chapter 8**

"**Meant to Live"**

_What is this place? Where am I?__ I can't see a thing, all is black. Did I go blind? Is someone out there? Can somebody help me?_

_**Take my hand**_

_Who are you?_

_**You don't need to know**_

_Can you help me? I can't see anything_

_**I'll help you, if you take my hand**_

_His hand feels little, child-like. Is he a child?_

_Where are we?_

_**At a meadow**_

_What am I doing here?_

_**You're meeting me**_

_You? What for?_

_**I'll help you**_

_Alright, what's your name, boy?_

_**You know my name**_

_Do I?_

_**Yes, you do. You know who I am and who I will be**_

_I don't recognize your voice. You're neither of my cousins_

_**No, I'm closer to you than they are**_

_I don't know who you are_

_**You will, eventually. For now, let's focus on the main problem. What are you doing here?**_

_Didn't you just say I was here to meet you?_

_**Yes, I said that. But why are you **_**really**_** here?**_

_I'm afraid I don't understand _

_**Can you remember where you were before this?**_

_No… no, I can't_

_**Give it a try**_

_I remember rain_

_**Can you remember the last thing you felt?**_

_I believe I was in pain_

_**Can you remember what caused you the pain?**_

_No… All I remember is myself in pain, on the ground and rain crashing against me… What happened?_

_**You should know**_

_But I don't_

_**Who are you?**_

_What?... uhm… I'm Teddy Lupin_

_**Are you special Teddy?**_

_It depends on your point of view_

_**What do you mean? Are you special or are you not?**_

_I guess I am_

_**Do you like being a werewolf?**_

_How did you…_

_**Do you like being Metamorphmagi?**_

_Wait, how come…_

_**Do you like being what you are?**_

_I…I don't know_

_**How come?**_

_Well, have you got any idea of how short my life is?_

_**Was**_

_Pardon?_

_**How short your life **_**was**_**.**_

_What do you mean?_

_**You're dead Teddy; you've been dead for a while**_

_I'm… dead? Then is this my heaven? Darkness? Or am I in hell?_

_**You're not in either of those places.**_

_But you said I died._

_**Yes, you have. But that doesn't mean you get to go to heaven or hell.**_

_Then where am I?_

_**I told you; a meadow**_

_Never mind._

_**Tell me Teddy, did you enjoyed your life**__**?**_

_Somewhat I did_

_**How so?**_

_I wish I had done a few things differently_

_**Like what, exactly?**_

_I don't know_

_**You must**_

_Uhm… I wish a lot of things, you know_

_**Is there one thing you wish the most?**_

_Yes_

_**What is it?**_

_I wish… I wish…_

_**S**__**ay it, Teddy. Say it**_

_I wish… I had_

_**It' as simple as that. Come on, say it**_

_I wish I had listened to Harry more often…_

_I wish I my grades had made Hermione proud._

_I wish I had taken every gift truly grateful_

_I wish I had taken the time to hang out with Ron_

_I wish I had been a better friend_

_I wish I hadn't lied to my cousin_

_I wish I had appreciated everything I learned_

_I wish I had done better_

_I wish I had been truly proud of whom I was_

_I wish I had loved her__ earlier_

_I wish I had let her love me_

_I wish I had had courage to speak up_

_I wish I had told her_

_I wish I hadn't been a coward_

_I wish I hadn't failed my family_

_I wish I had been able to make my parents proud_

_I wish… I wish…_

_I wish I had really lived__…_

_**I'm glad to hear that**_

_Wait a second… What's that? I can see the trees and the grass! I can see the sky and its clouds! I can see…_

_**Of course you can. You've finally opened your eyes.**_

_I had my eyes closed?_

_**Yes, you were living in the darkness. You were afraid of what was behind your eyelids. You were afraid of attempting to fly only to fall back down. You shield yourself from the people you love. Do you see them now?**_

_I do. They're smiling_

_**Yes, they are. Because you have finally understood.**_

_I'm sorry_

_**You don't have to be**_

_Hey, I can see you_

_**Yes, you can.**_

_You're me_

_**I am**__**; when you were ten.**_

_Wow, I had forgotten how small I used to be._

_**Yeah… Well, let's go**_

_Go where?_

_**To heaven**_

_But…_

_**You're still dead Teddy**_

_No, wait… I want to go back to my family_

_**Your family is where we're going.**_

_No, they are here_

_**Mum and Dad aren't among the people you're seeing now**_

_Wait… Are you telling me that if I go with you, I'd see my parents?_

_**That's precisely what I am telling you**_

_But…_

_**But, what? Don't you want to see them?**_

_Yes… Yes, I do, but what about Harry? And Ginny? Albus, James and Lily? What about the rest of my family? Don't I get to see them again?_

_**It's one or the other**_

_What about Victoire? Don't I get to see _her_?_

_**It's one or the other, Teddy**_

_But…_

_**You'**__**ve got to make a choice**_

_I want…_

_**What do you want?**_

_I… I want…_

_**What? Do you want to live or die, Teddy? What?**_

_I want to live!_

_**Pardon?**_

_I want to live alright!?_

_**Why would you want that? To live… what a nonsense**_

_No, it's not nonsense_

_**Why do you want to live?**_

_Because…_

_**Why?**_

_Because I wanna do better this time!? Because I want to breathe! Because I want to truly open my eyes! Because I want to hug Lily and James and Albus! Because I want to stop running away! Because I love Victoire and I want to marry her! Because I have to live! Because I want a second chance!_

_**We don't always get what we want Teddy**_

_It's not only that I want to!_

_**Then what is it? Give me a good reason to let you go back**_

_Because… Because I am _meant to live_!..._

_**Exactly… **_

_**You can go back now**_

_What about my parents?_

_**They are happy with your decision**_

_So…_

_**Yes, you get your second chance… So wake up Teddy…**_

_**Wake up and live.**_


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter**** series, any of it characters or settings. All you recognize belongs to J. K. Rowling; except the title, it belongs to Switchfoot.**

**A/N: This is the final chapter, my friends. All I have to say at this point is that I am grateful for all the feedback and alerts this fic received. I never thought people would enjoy what I had to write, so all I can say is thanks to everyone that read this and stayed faithful to my version of Teddy's story.**

**I want to thank you ClayCelloFire, especially, for being such a supporter. This chapter goes to you.**

**Thanks again, and for a last time, happy reading.**

**Chapter 9**

"**This ****is**** Home****"**

_People always say you should live life to its fullest, and you know? They are right. But how many of those tho__usands of people actually do so?_

_I can assure you that ou__t of ten people, nine just talk but never act. I know so, because I used to be one of those nine._

_I used to believe I was one out of ten, but I was wrong._

_I used to believe I was living like I was supposed to, when I wasn't._

_I used to believe I had it all, but I truly had nothing._

_I used to lie and deceive, when I knew it wasn't right_

_I used to believe I had the right to be wrong, when I didn't_

_I used to be the person I never wished to be, thinking it was the best I could pull off…_

_Its funny how being so close to dying can really make you see things for what they are, instead of what you want them to be._

_After a stroke caused by stress to my already weak heart, I had a dream. A dream that told me all those things I already knew but refused to admit to myself._

_I've finally opened my eyes, and what I see is just so beautiful, so full of color, and so amazing; I'll never close my eyes again._

_I can see now how wrong I was. I can see now that I don't have to be alone, bend or broken. I can be like everyone else._

_I used to believe that being sick would only gained me stares and whispers and pity. I couldn't have that. So I shield myself from everything around me. I used to believe I didn't fit in, I didn't belong. But I had been wrong all along._

_I've found where I belong, and it is where I had always been. Though, it's the same world, the same places, the same people; it feels different. It feels new, it feels like something I had never known._

_I can see the sunset, the sunrise_

_I can feel the rain_

_I can feel the breeze_

_I can live now… And I'm eternally grateful for that._

_I know that my life hasn't been what it should have, but I think I wouldn't change it; even if I could. After all, it's been all those mistakes, all those misunderstandings and misjudgments that had shaped my mind to its actual state of peace and happiness._

_I regretted a lot of things. And regret is something I rather not feel. I've seen my enemy, so I won't go back. I won't go back to that state of confusion and depression. So, instead of feeling regret, I've decided to simply be grateful for what I've lived. Just as I have a large number of the aspects of my life that went wrong, there is an equally large list of the things I'd live again if I could, such as the first time Victoire and I kissed; both being completely sober and very aware of what we were engaging ourselves into._

_Oh, I believe I have not yet expressed the main reason I can say that I am living life to its fullest now; and it is none other than Victoire Weasley… my fiancé._

_Yes, fiancé._

_While I was dreaming, the one thing that convinced me I was meant to live was the blonde witch I love. And the first thing I saw when I woke up was her face. Her eyes were closed, she was sleeping. Then I realized it didn't matter if I had two years or two days to live, __as long as she was part of them, I'd die a happy man._

_So I asked her to marry me._

_And even though she now knew it all, even though I'd be dead pretty soon, even though it seemed like a little too late; she said yes._

_So, I believe it is now, when it don't get any better._

_My heart is set. Happy is next. Happy is now._

_I have someone to love and that loves me back._

_I have a bright future ahead of me, no matter how long it is, it's definitely bright._

_I have a beautiful, trusting family._

_I have friends whom I'd die for._

_I have a new vision of the world I live in._

_I have hope_

_I have faith_

_I have, for now, good health._

_I truly have it all._

_I am where I was always meant to be._

_I am home._

_Yes, love, family, friends, happiness, joy; are home._

_What I feel now, this amazing sensation, is home._

_Yes, this is home._


End file.
